Dear MTV,

Please to be dying now? Ok, thanks! What makes you think Rocky Horror needs to be remade? What makes you think, High King of Suckitude TV that you could do it? What the hell are you thinking???? Seriously, lay down the crack pipe and step away from the classics.

Trying to hand you a clue,
Me

Dear co-workers,
I know that you're all just trying to be supportive of me, I've been going on for some time now about how I wanted to become a supervisor to help take some of the financial pressure off my husband. At first, the vote of confidence you were all giving me was so nice. But after this week I can't help but feel it was all a thinly veiled cover to the truth that you just don't much care for me anymore and the sooner I put in the letter, the sooner I get promoted. And that hurts, so much. We don't always get along and I'm not going to pretend I'm the best sorter ever, but some loyalty would be nice! I work my ass off, even when I'm sorting with those of you who near hate me so, you know, try to be less enthusiastic about the possibility of me leaving to go boss some other group of people around. I thought you at least respected me. Also, J, I know you were just trying to give my indecisive ass a gentle push towards giving N the letter, but really?! Thanks for the kick into the pit. You make me a sad panda.


Seeing the truth,
Mod

Dear fridge and kitchen in general,

Why are you so damn cold that you freeze my salad? After the chicken alfredo debacle (I can't get the taste out of my mouth!) I was hoping to munch on some nice veggies to clear my palate.

But NO, I pull out the container of salad to notice half of it had ICICLES ON IT! Thank goodness for the side that was still OK because I would have thrown a bitchfit had there been no salad.

Now all food just sounds gross to me because the kitchen is host to a small weevil family that somehow find their way into all my cereal and crackers (I think garlic wards them off because they haven't touched the croutons). This isn't helped by my roommate that has four open boxes of cereal that she never eats from because she thinks non-fat milk is making her gain weight when really it's probably all the fast food and Hamburger Helper (that I BUY AND COOK) she eats.

I just want to puke,
bigger_tigers


---------------------


Dear weevils in the kitchen,

GTFO!!!!!

Hate,
The girl who just wants her cereal without the extra protein

Dear summer school and Mr. D,

    I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I've been through six weeks of hell with you with all the shitty teachers and your fake cheese pizza. And my current economics teacher, a World Bank simulation is NOT fun in any sense of the word, nor does it teach us ANYTHING! All it does is make me wanna sleep which I did today. Why can't we play games like monopoly or life like the other class is doing. And having you push your beliefs on us makes me hate you even more. Honestly, while I do feel sorry for places like Haiti and Tahiti and Africa, I don't want to hear the same damn thing ten times a day that they need help and we need to sacrifice our hard earned income (10%!) that we need to survive on to help them. Um, have you looked at the U.s. economy? It's not good, and most of us need every penny we earn just to keep surviving.
    And please, stop telling us that we are dumb and ignorant (not directly, but you act like it). Just 'cause you might not like it doesn't mean its stupid. Like the underwater dome proposal a friend thought of and I support. I think its a DAMN GOOD IDEA, and you just saying that it is preposterous and not saying why makes you sound stupid. And you support a moon colony? Who's the idiot now? I do NOT want to see this big coca-cola advertisement on my precious moon in the year 2020 (if we're even alive by then). And the Lunar Hilton? Dumbest idea ever. I love seeing the moon and the stars just as they are, and seeing humans destroying a virtually uninhabitable place makes me wanna cry. You would have to create a whole atmosphere and since it has no ozone, you'd be burned from the sun almost instantly. It is easier (and cheaper) to go underwater (for the purpose of agriculture) than it is to make a moon colony. Certainly, you dumb ass self can realize that.
    The reason we wanted the World Bank to support it is because if we had the rich people fund it, they would get richer and we DON'T  want that.

Currently wondering if you printed you degree of the internet,
    An annoyed unfortunate student who is so glad tomorrow is the last day

Dear older sis,

    Please, wash your dishes after you're finished with them. I hate washing 3 day old mac n' cheese bowls and spaghetti plates. Do you know how hard it is? If you cleaned them when you're done, which is really just putting a bit of soap in it and rinsing it out, it would save who ever does dishes a crap load of time. It takes about five minutes to scrub the dried on goop/noodles plus the 15 minutes of it soaking in near boiling water. And it would take you what, 5 seconds? 10 max? I personally don't care that you work 6 hours a day at a hot sticky amusement park, it only takes 10 seconds!
    And you chose to work park services janitor. You were offered games, but no you chose to go back, so suck it up. I hate hearing you bitch about how much you hate your job. ITS YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT!!!! I have no sympathy.
    Also, you can't draw, so I have no idea why you want to be a graphic designer. You don't have any passion for it, so again, why are you doing this? You'd make a better special ed. teacher, so why can't you stick with that?
  
Please stop giving me drawing advice. I have an art teacher and I can draw ten times better than you ever could.

Sincerely,
    Your irritated younger sis.

Dear bitch:
Thanks for fired my mom, you fucking bitch. Go die.
Watch your back bitch, cuz i am coming after you.
Angry:
Me.

Dear Youtube:
Fucking hurry up upload my video, god damn it.
It taking too damn fucking long.
Annoy:
me

Dear Sister,
Stop being a jackass and get clean. K?

xoxo
Your Loving Sister

 

Dear Folkes Who Keep Leaving Those Counterfeit Hundred-Dollar Bills With “Worship-Jesus” Messages On Them In The Library Books About Alternative Religions,

 

Knock it off. Really, I was trying to educate myself on other spiritual possibilities. I did not need to find three of those things in the book about Bahaiism. Not only is it soul crushing to realize they’re counterfeit, I feel stupid for being so naïve. Also, I get a heart attack each time I see one.

 

Signed,

The Religeously Independent

The gas pedal is on the right, sweetheart.





The driver behind you,

pyrofirefly

 

 Dear Office Mates,

Okay, which one of you ass pies STOLE my water bottle and soda bottle??? What is your freaking problem????? Are you some kind of neatfreak bastard who cannot abide a couple of nearly-empty bottles on a desktop in a cubicle that ISN'T EVEN YOURS???? Or were you soooooooo thirsty that you stole both bottles so you could suck down the few remaining drops of liquid left in each one? Either way, I am NOT pleased. Keep your damn mitts offa my stuff.

Oh, and to whoever is taking their microwave popcorn into the ladies' room? STOP IT. NOW.

Thank you,
your co-worker

Dear Ipod,

When you "malfunction" and refuse to play both Morrissey's "My Love Life" and the Beach Boys'  "'Til I Die"... that's it.  We're over.  I'm moving on.

Love,
Devoted Owner Who Once Carried You Everywhere In Her Bra

Dear writer's block -
Go away. I'd like to update, so that I think I can actually finish this sonofabitch.
Thank you.

Dear yWriter 4 -
You're amazing.

Dear baby sister -
You fuss too much. I know you're only a month old but JESUS CHRIST!!

Dear Hunger -
Let's go fix this problem. :D

 Dear Boy

I am assuming you are home now so FUCKING RING ME!! 

not so patiently waiting,
Me

****

Dear Mother

I have a job thanks just because you don't like what I doesn't mean a shit to me. I work and I make money and I am happy(ish) so please shut the fuck up! 

Me

Dear Self,
I have difficulties cutting straight.
Nuff said.

xoxo
Me


Dear Sewing Machine Again,
For 90 dollars you suck.
You won't sew flannel and quilting together to make a simple blanket. Hell, you barely sewing a flannel change purse.
Lame.

xoxo
Me

Dear night-owl friends,

Wake up please! I'm bored and don't know how long I'll be online today until I get home!

Bored out of her mind,
Saria

Dear Overly-Priced Restaurant Which Shall Remain Nameless,

I resent you.  I resent everything that you stand for, your prices, your decor and, most of all, your bartender.

No Love,

Me

---

Dear Self,

Quit misdirecting your resentments.

Patiently,

Cassie

Dear Me,

1.PLEASE stop being so lazy! Our apartment isn't filthy and nasty, but you CAN tidy it up. DO THE FRIGGIN' LAUNDRY! You've been using the same dirty towels for 2 weeks now! WASHHH THEM! Don't leave your clothes wherever they happen to land- put them in a hamper!

2. You are supposed to be going to the Netherlands. FOR FREE! Why haven't you got your passport yet???

3. Stop being chicken shit, grow some, and ask your boss for that raise!

4. ORGANIZE.

5. Take better care of yourself!


Love ya,

Me

Dear Sewing Machine,
DIE.

xoxo
Me

Dear Hurricane Dolly,

Fuck.Off.

With Love From,
An annoyed southern texan

Dear Hurricane Accessory Annoyances,

I hate splinters. Sandbags are heavy. I'm going to die when the power goes out. I'll lose my mind if i can't find some AAA batteries for my book light. I hate not being able to kick the dogs out to the backyard when they annoy me.

With Love From,
Hurricane Hater

Dear Matthew,

It annoys me when you're on the computer and on the phone at the same time. You talk way too loud. I try to be polite and say "Use your inside voice, please" but i'm about ready to tell you to "STFU!"

With Love From,
Your Sister